THE MUSIC BOX

  On the top of the mountain hill there lived a little boy called Marlin. He was a jolly fellow that helped people when they were in need.

  The only problem was, whenever there was somebody in need, he would give them something to eat and to solve their problem. The people in his country soon became sick of this, and so wanted him to stop. But Marlin just won’t; and went on helping and helping and helping… nobody knew when he was going to stop, or when they were going to let him know that they didn’t want him to bother all day. Ugh, but Marlin wouldn’t stop; all day long he helped this and that, the problem was that people don’t want to mordacity him, and so said that he was very kind.

  One day, Marlin saw a boy crying, and said, “Hey there little one; don’t cry, I, the super Marlin is here! And I am going to solve your problem!” “I want a music box,” at these words, Marlin was astonished, “A-a music b-box?” “Yes,” replied the boy jumping happily, “But my parents won’t buy me one. It is at the shop near Sunshine school. I hope to get me one! Wahoo!” Marlin said, “I couldn’t afford a music box! It is worth $100!”

  Marlin was very sad, but also wanted to try, for he was the king of everything, and helps save the day. He ran to his house, and counted his money, but found out that he only had $10. He was now very, very angry. He had decided to earn more and more money, and so to help that poor little boy. As he had promised, he worked very hard to earn money. Although he was juts a little boy, he ought to do what he had said; for those are the rules. And when he had enough money, he would buy THE MUSIC BOX, and hand it to that poor boy.

  Marlin did anything he could to earn money: Sweep the floor, clean his room; grow plants, water them, and cut flowers for the house. When he had already $90, he had decided to help other people. When it was already winter, he took a shovel and helped his neighbors, friends to shovel snow; and they paid him a great deal of money.

  At last, Marlin had got enough money; he was so excited that he hopped here and there ten times! Finally, he went to the store near Sunshine school, and bought THE MUSIC BOX, and then handed it to the same boy at his home. Marlin soon became famous, and he was called, ‘Marlin Blavatsky.’

修改后 

On the top of the mountain hill lived a little boy called Marlin. He was a jolly fellow that helped people when they were in need.

  The only problem was, whenever there was somebody in need, he would give them something to eat so as to solve their problems. The people in his country soon became sick of this, and so wanted him to stop. But Marlin just won’t; and went on helping and helping and helping… nobody knew when he was going to stop, or when they were going to let him know that they didn’t want him to bother all day. Ugh, but Marlin wouldn’t stop; all day long he helped this and that, the problem was that people don’t want to mordacity him, and they said that he was very kind.

  One day, Marlin saw a boy crying, and said, “Hey there little one; don’t cry, I, the super Marlin is here! And I am going to solve your problem!” “I want a music box,” at these words, Marlin was astonished, “A-a music b-box?” “Yes,” replied the boy jumping happily, “But my parents won’t buy me one. It is at the shop near Sunshine school. I hope to get me one! Wahoo!” Marlin said, “I couldn’t afford a music box! It is worth $100!”

  Marlin was very sad, but also wanted to try, for he was the king of everything, and helps save the day. He ran to his house, and counted his money, but found out that he only had $10. He was now very, very angry. He had decided to earn more and more money, and so to help that poor little boy. As he had promised, he worked very hard to earn money. Although he was just a little boy, he ought to do what he had said; for those are the rules. And when he had enough money, he would buy THE MUSIC BOX, and hand it to that poor boy.

  Marlin did anything he could to earn money: Sweep the floor, clean his room; grow plants, water them, and cut flowers for the house. When he had already $90, he had decided to help other people. When it was already winter, he took a shovel and helped his neighbors, friends to shovel snow; and they paid him a great deal of money.

  At last, Marlin had got enough money; he was so excited that he hopped here and there ten times! Finally, he went to the store near Sunshine school, and bought THE MUSIC BOX, and then handed it to the same boy at his home. Marlin soon became famous, and he was called, ‘Marlin Blavatsky.’

    四年级:欧阳雨鹭