MY FEELINGS ON MY SCHOOL FIELD TRIP IN SPRING

  Almost everybody in the world has gone on field trips, well I have of course. In the whole world, only one leaf falls on the ground, and that second could not be wasted; for off we walk along my diary.

  A quarter of a mile, you could see a wonderful building; surrounded by tall trees, among them were blades of grass, and flowers of all kind. Now grab your notebook, and begin to see the amazing things you could learn in QING XIANG YUAN [清香园].

  First, I shall take you to the building, which stands right in the middle of the place. Inside, you could see lab Tories, and in it were scientists, investigating how to get healthy sauce. I have brought you here all to learn about sauce, for sauce is a very important thing. The scientist's work, is to make sure that every bottle of sauce had the right amount of: Water, salt, mushroom, peas and wheat. And then it is  put in bottles and covered in boxes. And then they will be sent to the supermarket by truck.

Many people noticed that, most of the sauces in supermarket are from the place which I have shown you today. And I hope that reading this diary that I have written, shall give you some knowledge. The next thing that you should learn is who made this wonderful place; and who gave us the wonderful healthy sauce. And that person is: FENG DAO REN [冯道人].

I think it is time, that we leave this place. Say goodbye! ‘Children’, “Goodbye! Bye-bye…!” and off we go to our school again.

修改后 

 Almost everybody in the world has gone on field trips, well I have of course. In the whole world, only one leaf falls on the ground, and that second could not be wasted; for off we walk along my diary.

  A quarter of a mile, you could see a wonderful building; surrounded by tall trees, among them were blades of grass, and flowers of all kinds. Now grab your notebook, and begin to see the amazing things you could learn in QING XIANG YUAN [清香园].

  First, I shall take you to the building, which stands right in the middle of the place. Inside, you could see a laboratory, and in it were scientists investigating how to get healthy sauce. I have brought you here all to learn about sauce, for sauce is very important. The scientist's job is to make sure that every bottle of sauce had the right amount of: Water, salt, mushroom, peas and wheat. And then it is put in bottles and covered in boxes. And then they will be sent to the supermarket by trucks.

Many people noticed that, most of the sauces in supermarket are from the place which I have shown you today. And I hope that reading this diary that I have written, shall give you some knowledge. The next thing that you should learn is the person who made this wonderful place; and who gave us the wonderful healthy sauce. And that person is: FENG DAO REN [冯道人].

I think it is time, that we leave this place. Say goodbye! ‘Children’, “Goodbye! Bye-bye…!” and off we go to our school again.

    四年级:欧阳雨鹭