厌恶的自己英语日记

　　时常觉得自己的思绪混乱，想要理却怎么也理不清。感觉整个人都快要崩溃了，只能是走一步算一步，没有规划没有设想。

　　I often feel that my mind is confused, but I can't get it right. I feel that the whole person is about to collapse. I can only go one step at a time. There is no plan and no idea.

　　即使感觉现在的自己已经比过去的.那个我好很多，可是在有些事上还是心有余而力不足。比如说总是爱胡思乱想平白无故的给自己增添压力。想要告诉自己不能这样，却又不知如何安慰自己。

　　Even though I feel that I am much better than the one I used to be, I still have more heart and less strength in some things. For example, I always like to think nonsense and add pressure to myself without any reason. I want to tell myself that I can't do this, but I don't know how to comfort myself.

　　还是那样，每次只要一上讲台就会腿发抖。我自以为只是因为害怕老师，可现在看来已经不是单单害怕老师这么简单。连同学也怕，害怕也讨厌别人注视的眼光，那样会有一种让我手足无措的尴尬。

　　Still, every time I go to the podium, my legs shake. I think it's just because I'm afraid of teachers, but now it seems that it's not so simple to be afraid of teachers. Even the students are afraid, afraid and hate the eyes of others, which will make me feel at a loss.

　　我不知道自己到底是怎么了，明明都已经好很多了，为什么还会如此。不停的暗示自己没什么可怕的，可是却越想越紧张。想要从脑子里慢慢分析，却是越来越乱。

　　I don't know what's wrong with me. It's much better. Why is it still like this. Constantly suggesting that there is nothing terrible about him, but the more I think about it, the more nervous I am. Want to analyze slowly from the brain, but more and more chaotic.

　　心里总觉得慌，终归还是我太缺乏安全感了吗？可是我真的找不到安全感，总感觉自己就和“差”字挂上勾了。总感觉自己就是个傻瓜，一个笨蛋，一个懦夫。遇事总想着逃避，想要改变却又懒惰。

　　Always feel flustered in my heart, is it still my lack of security? But I really can't find a sense of security. I always feel that I'm hooked with the word "bad". Always feel like a fool, a fool, a coward. I always want to escape when I am in trouble, but I am lazy when I want to change.

　　我厌恶这样的自己，却又靠着这样的自己获得那一丝自欺欺人的安全感！

　　I hate this kind of self, but rely on this kind of self to get a sense of self deception security!